True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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