Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
