Having a random hookup so left but love u
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
