Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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