is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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