apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
