Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
