i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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