If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
