Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
