I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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