we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am available for nakedness
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This toilet bowl is my home.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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