I skipped work to stalk him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
