so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
