It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
