Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
