apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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