We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
