just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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