I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
