Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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