I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
