I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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