so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
