guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
