when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
