I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
