if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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