She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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