If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
