I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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