Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
