remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it because I queefed?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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