just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
