Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
