I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
