I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
