Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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