I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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