I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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