Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
