if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
