I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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