We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
