Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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