i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
