so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
