How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
