He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
