I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
