fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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