My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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