I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
